Since I last wrote Rob and I have hit a SERIOUS rough patch. I'm sure you may have guessed something like that since I have not wrote in a while. As much as I want to think what we've been going through is "normal" or "typical" for engaged couples, I have to be honest in saying it's typical for us. Often times in this relationship I've felt like we take one step forward, two steps back; and although I thought we put that behind us I'm afraid old habits die hard.
To make a really long story short I have put the engagement on hold.... and I've taken off the ring. As painful as this decision has been, I know for now it is best. No one should marry without knowing 110% that it's "right", and although I'm not saying it's wrong for us I am saying it's the wrong time. Lately our relationship has taken a back seat to Rob's "business". He summed it up perfectly by saying as a business owner "you don't own the business, it owns you". He's right in a lot of ways and although there's nothing wrong with that, I'm just not sure if that's what's best for me. I honestly believe there are deeper commitment issues that he's refusing to accept. I also believe that when a man asks you to marry him, he should be ready to GET MARRIED, especially after 5 years! Anyways.....I'm not angry, I'm not bitter (some of you may not believe that). It would be easy to go there, but why? It's no one's fault. So I'm choosing to look at this as yet another opportunity for self reflection and growth. My plan is to spend the next couple months reevaluating the situation and hopefully you'll be hearing from me soon. Either way, it's been great getting to know the girls at Chic Blvd and everyone that wrote me. Best of luck to all you future brides and have a great summer!
Sincerely,
Andrea
4/17/06
I can't believe it! I've changed my mind about the wedding location and I'm not sure how everyone is going to take it. With everything that Rob and I have been going through, I've begun to re-evaluate our plans and feel like it's probably in our best interest to elope and save our sanity. All my friends are probably reading this freaking out! So let me preface this in saying my version of eloping is going to Hawaii for a simple ceremony on the beach, not running to the Little White Chapel in Vegas (I'd never do that to you girls!). It's definitely not the wedding I had hoped for but I have to be honest with myself. We don't need the big wedding, we want the big wedding. Our needs are much greater and should be focused on putting that money into our home, our future. And come on! Have you ever seen any pictures of a Hawaiian wedding?!?!?! It's gorgeous! I have two friends that had a Hawaiian wedding and they paid about $1200 each. Need I say more? Now I just need to tell my brides maids and parents. Yikes!
3/31/06
A few days after I wrote the blog about feeling frustrated with my fiance, I received a comment from a girl named Niki Aives. Niki wrote that she and her fiance were engaged after 8 years. With all the stresses of the engagement they are now on a "break" and have postponed the wedding. I also have another girlfriend who recently ended her engagement for various reasons...... this is so discouraging! Why does this happen?!?!?! I feel like the minute we become engaged, we enter the "can I deal with this for a lifetime?" stage. It's like we become ultra sensitive to all the little things that have always been there; AND in our defense I think our men begin to challenge us in an effort to keep their individuality. I'll give you an example. Recently Rob has been working really late. Rather than calling to say "eat without me, don't worry, etc." he's just strolling in at 8:00 at night! When I ask that he call me and let me know, he's challenging me saying "you know where I am, what's the big deal?" We've been together for 5 years and this has never come up. Am I being too sensitive or is he just being a butthead?
In the end, I have to have faith that these things will work themselves out. I recognize it's not just him, it's me too. First and foremost we both just need to "take a chill pill" and realize this is natural. Other couples go through this. Then we need to stay focused on our commitment to continuously improve and feed our relationship. Something that has really helped me over the last few weeks has been a website called "Love and Respect". I get weekly devotionals for couples that Rob and I discuss together. Although Love and Respect is a faith based web site, anyone who doesn't consider themselves a "religious" person should still get a lot from it because it touches on basic principles. I highly recommend this site. I also stumbled onto a book called Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith, M.A. I haven't read the book but it looks like fun. She has a bridal- counseling practice, and has had over 200 clients, so I would imagine she has a lot of great tips for brides to-be. I'll definitely put this on my reading list!
Niki, I'm sorry for your separation. I'm sure this has been a painful experience for you and I'm touched by your candor. I really hope you and your fiance can reconcile. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and Chic Blvd's readers.
Best wishes,
Andrea
3/29/06
I'm so relieved! We finally decided on a wedding location and I can't be happier. Ponte Winery it is! Last weekend Rob and I spent the day visiting Pala Mesa first and Ponte second. When we went to Pala Mesa he thought the location was "nice"....not exactly the response that I was looking for. When I asked him what he liked most, he said he liked the idea of all the guests staying on the premises and he thought the ceremony site was "cool". I had a feeling he'd say that because when I showed it to him he immediately walked over to the rope attached to the big bell and began pulling it. If the resort didn't know we had arrived on their premises, they knew then!
On our way to Ponte I was feeling a little discouraged because Rob clearly didn't have the reaction I thought he'd have over Pala Mesa. I was growing concerned that he'd have a ho hum attitude about Ponte and I'd seriously cry. Thankfully that was not the case. Right away I could tell he was more engaged. We walked throughout the gift shop and he was checking things out. He mentioned that it smelled good (I think he was hungry). I showed him around the wedding location and described in as much detail how the event would play out. He mentioned the site was much smaller, which I said I found more appealing as opposed to Pala. Pala Mesa is a HUGE location and my fear was that our 115 guest party would be swallowed whole by the resort. When we were done walking around the wedding coordinator Miranda stopped what she was doing to come greet Rob and give him the official tour. That was really sweet considering we didn't have an appointment. She showed him the groom's corridors (which he liked) and the tent and did a really fantastic job of painting a picture of how the night would unfold for him. We ended the tour in her office telling stories and laughing about silly things for almost an hour. She is absolutely adorable and made Rob feel really comfortable. In the end Rob was sold on Ponte, not because it was the most elaborate or the least expensive but because he really enjoyed his experience and felt very comforted by the coordinator. She took the time to get to know us and even talked about her own personal experiences. Ultimately that personal touch is what sealed the deal. Thank you Miranda!
3/08/06
Oh my gosh! I am quickly learning that planning a wedding is a labor of love! Now I know you're reading that and probably thinking "Oh boy, it's starting already" but, let me assure you the planning has had nothing to do with it. IT'S MY FIANCE!!! I decided long ago that I wouldn't bother him with the minor details, just the big decisions and ones I thought would be fun for him. Sooo, I searched and searched for the perfect wedding locations and when I narrowed it down to two locations I asked that he set aside an afternoon to check them out. He was busy so I waited a week and asked again. I won't bother you with all the gory details but I'll say this, the conversation didn't go well. In fact, the conversation ended with him suggesting that we postpone the wedding until next year (gasp!). Now, in his defense I must say that he is a first year business owner and is extremely busy, this I know. BUT postponing the wedding should not be the answer. When the dust settled I got to the bottom line, he really didn't know what was expected of him, he doesn't have a lot of time to plan and thought postponement would be safer (with me) than not being present at the tedious appointments. He was WRONG!
Lesson #1 Write out the appointments that you're fiance MUST attend (i.e. engagement pictures, fitting for the suit, WEDDING). Then make a list next to it of the things he might want to be a part of such as cake tasting, food tasting, WEDDING! Then write down all the things you'd never expect him to attend like picking out flowers and invitations. This will help him to understand what is expected of him and will make him feel that he has some control of the situation and you never know, he might actually enjoy himself!
Had I done this in the beginning it would have saved me a painful weekend. Lesson learned!
2/23/06
Dear Diary,
Today I scouted the vineyards of Temecula in hopes of finding my wedding location. Let me first say I should have planned this a little better for two reasons. First off I had back to back appts with only an hour in between. I really should have given myself at least 2 hours in between because when meeting with the coordinator you have to tour the location, talk about the packages and most importantly TASTE THE WINE!! The second reason is that I drove myself to the wineries not even thinking that I would be wine tasting all day- DUH! This of course, is a must because the wineries do not serve alcohol at weddings, only wine and beer. So, as you can imagine it's imperative you wine taste before hand so you know what all of your guests will be served.
My favorite vineyard by far was Ponte Wineries. Ponte is nestled right next to the biggest and most elaborate winery/resort in Temecula. Out of all my options I thought my first choice would, of course be the resort next store and was pleasantly surprised at my experience with Ponte. When we arrived at Ponte the coordinator was actually there (which has not always been the case so far); and eager to take care of us. She first walked us around the premises to get a feel of the vineyard. It is well manicured, quaint, very romantic and I got the feeling that everyone who works there are not only proud of where they work but really enjoy it too. All the staff I met were truly hospitable and I felt well taken care of.
Some things I like most about Ponte are:
They have lovely cottages set up for the groom and bride for the wedding day (other locations offer trailers);
Included in the per person price is the coordinator, linens, silverware, champagne toast, ceremony site, cake cutting fee and more;
They offer rehearsal dinners in their barrel room, which holds all of their wine. They line the room with candles and it makes for a truly beautiful experience.
Overall, I would say Ponte Winery is my first choice so far. My only concern is that they do require 125 person minimum for Saturdays and I feel that I may be way over budget if I chose this location. For now, I will keep an open mind and see if there is something comparable yet a little lower in price.
Andrea
P.S. The wine was pretty good too!
2/19/06
This is me and my man!
Check out "our story" at www.chicblvd.com/andreas_story.html!
November 16, 2005 - I got engaged!
Rob had been saying he had a little surprise for me the week prior to our engagement. When the weekend came I assumed we'd be doing something on Friday, since we had a big birthday party in L.A. on Saturday night.
Sure enough Rob had arranged everything for Saturday late afternoon BEFORE the party--and although I was intrigued with thoughts of my surprise, I was preoccupied with getting to the party on time.
Okay, just between us I was slightly annoyed. Rob told me we'd go watch the sunset prior to the party - and in my mind we really needed to be home getting ready for the long night ahead of us! It didn't make sense to get ready before we watched the sunset because it would be windy and I'd just have to redo myself again before the party- Ahh, such a woman!
I told my every day flip-flop wearing man that I would shower and just throw my hair back and later completely do myself up for the party. Although he agreed, in an odd turn of events he chose his designer jeans, nice shirt and cologne for the event. Instinctively, I rethought the plan and took my hair down, applied some lip gloss and of course some mascara.
Rob grabbed a bag to put a bottle of wine in and we headed out. As we got in the car I can honestly say that I felt like something big could be happening and I'm not sure why. Looking back Rob seemed so calm preparing for the moment but my womanly instinct was kicking in.
We arrived at a Duffy Boat Rental company in Newport Beach, signed in and quickly boarded the adventure. After cruising the harbor for a little bit we opened the bottle of wine and made a toast. Other boats with large groups of people partying would come by, raise their glasses and yell a "cheers" at us. I laugh now because this prompted me to turn on a station with dance music, get up and dance (basically ruining Rob's "game"). Every time I turned the fun music on he would turn the radio back to mushy music and again I'd eventually turn it back. Clearly I was the one steering the boat!!
We drove up to the dock of a restaurant, where Rob had called in an order of some appetizers. He asked that I hold the side of the dock to keep the boat stable and said he'd be "just a minute". Since the appetizers weren't even started I ended holding the dock out there for 20 minutes. When Rob finally returned, appetizers in hand he was obviously a little more frazzled.
As he got onto the boat he kicked his glass of red wine all over the boat. So, now he's totally frustrated and getting even more nervous because we're losing the rest of the sunset and the proposal is minutes away.
After dunking the entire lower portion of his leg in the ocean (to rinse the wine out and jeans) we proceeded back out to the bay. Once we found the perfect spot we turned the engine off, ate our sushi rolls, drank what was left of the wine and enjoyed the moment.
Just as we were getting ready to head back to the rental shop Rob seized the moment. He said " Babe" and I turned to him. He stood up walked around in front of me and knelt down on a shaky knee. He told me I stole his heart 5 years ago, I'd always have his heart, and asked if I would marry him!
I'm here so we all know what I said. I told him I knew the day I met him that I would some day be his wife. He smiled and I smiled and he said "So, is that a yes?!?!?! Yes!
After that, everything was kind of a blur. I tried to see the ring he presented but because it was past dusk at this time I couldn't see a thing. One thing I do recall is telling him to hit the gas so we could get back to the dock as fast as possible. I sprung out of the boat (leaving Rob in my dust) and ran straight for the ladies restrooms. As I checked out my gorgeous ring I looked in the mirror and found Rob peeking his head in to see my reaction. He was smiling ear to ear.
After that can you believe we actually went home, got ready and went to the party? We had a fabulous time too. I felt like I was in a dream. It wasn't until the next day that reality began to sink in. My mind began to wander into the future where I will not only be a wife but also a step mommy. The future is exciting to me, lots of fun things are in store but now it's time to focus on all the details that will carry us into marriage. I have to plan a wedding and unfortunately this is not something I've been secretly planning throughout my relationship; and now I'm beginning to think I should have! I've never even looked at rings until now. You see, I've always dreamt about the emotions I will have on the blissful day, the intimate moments I will share with my mom and dad; and the memories that will last a lifetime.
Now I just have to create the ambiance that will be the backdrop for one of the best days of my life. Thankfully, ChicBlvd.com has offered to help me along this journey - so I hope you will come along!!
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